At a tween age you just lay down the law and tell them that kind of behaviour is completely unacceptable! That you are the boss and they will show some respect else they won’t be leaving the house for a very long time.

My daughter is 10 and has ADD. We have this problem a lot. More with me than with my husband. Recently, I was reading ADDitude Magazine and it has a suggestion that I had forgotten. Basically it is the “Time-Out” method with a consequence attached. Use this only to “stop” behavior….not to get them to do something. If your child talks back, (or wines or begs as in my case) you say,”That’s one”. If they get to three, they get the consequence. ..ie sent to their room, no TV or computer etc. You should tell them of this process beforehand during a non-confrontation discussion. Hope that helps.

Janet
http://www.stampingatthewhitehouse.com

I got over that real quick! When I did some research I found it is just your tweens way of experimenting with what it is like to be an adult, and wanting to grow up. You need to snap them into line quick smart and let them know that it is not acceptable behaviour and is not tolerated. It won’t stop it completely, afterall they are becoming adults, but it will soften the blow for at least a little while.

I taught my tween some respect with her back-chatting. I know that sounds like an oxymoron but let me explain. Back-chatting is really just arguing and your tween expressing that they think something is unfair and unjust. I told my tween that it is ok to have an opinion but never should you disrespect someone else’s. If she had something to say that was fine, but she should do it in such a way that the other person was not offended else they wouldn’t listen (a skill I wish more adults had I must say). I taught her that if she wanted to act like an adult and reply to what I had just said then not to do it from an emotional tantrumy place like a child, but be an adult and give me a rational, valid reason why what I said to her is unfair. It didn’t always come out the way she intended but she has learnt to be less emotional and more level-headed. It’s a really great skill, especially for daughters who are a little more prone to being emotional.